Holding out for a hero

I’m feeling extremely cynical about relationships right now. Which is unusual for me, being the optimist that I am. I really just feel like being single (my friends will all be shocked to hear this, I’m sure). I have realized that most of my past relationships have exacerbated my anxiety, despite the positive aspects. Obviously, this can be explained by the fact that these guys were not good matches for me.

But lately I’ve been feeling like the problem is me…

I have had several experiences in which the fact that I am a feminist has turned guys off. It’s beginning to feel like I won’t be able to find anyone who will “put up with” my feminist rants. I don’t consider myself radical or unreasonable, and yet I feel like others see me that way. The fact that I want equality and mutual understanding in a relationship seems to terrify men.

As my mom is constantly telling me (along with insisting that I marry a nice Jewish boy), there are definitely exceptions. It just doesn’t always seem like it. I sometimes feel as if guys don’t want to get to know me on a deeper level. They are attracted to my physical attributes and that’s good enough for them. But it’s not good enough for me. If there is no emotional connection outside of the physical, what’s the point?

Sometimes I envision a scenario where a guy is genuinely intrigued by my intellect. He comes up to me after class and tells me that he found my comments in class discussion to be profound and intelligently delivered. He then asks me if I want to grab coffee with him so that we can discuss politics, the economy, various social issues, and maybe even feminism. I imagine that we will sit in the coffee shop for hours talking, losing track of time.

I’m such a dork, I know. But really, why can’t that happen more often?

I want to be noticed for my internal qualities rather than just for my curves ( a sentiment that I have vocalized previously).

Here’s to the guy who said, “Yikes!” when I told him I was a sociology major and a women’s studies minor.

Here’s to the guy who only asks me to hang out with him when he’s drunk or high.

Here’s to the guy who I went on one date with (the worst date of my life) and realized that we had absolutely nothing to talk about.

Doesn’t anyone else find stimulating academic conversation a turn-on? Shit.

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